Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
