am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
