i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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