No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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