i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
