Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
FUCK WHALES
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
