so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
