So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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