He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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