i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
