u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
