You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
