are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize