i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
