I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need a beard to bite.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
