I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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