Im at strip club and am horny
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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