lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
