im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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