he wants to bone in the snuggie
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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