My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
