Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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