I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
