you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
