This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
