We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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