dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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