I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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