I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
