We won't sleep together?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize