My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize