You're so nebulous sometimes
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
