I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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