i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
