how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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