The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
soo... how was my night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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