Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
