i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
