Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
