My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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