ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is it penis luge time yet?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
