you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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