I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
