Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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