She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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