Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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