The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
