I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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