Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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