Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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