Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
