Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
