I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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