dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
