he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
