So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
