you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
