bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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