Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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