i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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