You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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