I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
