Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fuck appropriateness.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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