Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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