There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
