i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just high enough for therapy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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