'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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