youre lurking in front of me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
