she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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