do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
