i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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