girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
