tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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