I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
