Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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