ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
