Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
