I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
