Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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