no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
