The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
