What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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