drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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