she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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