we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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