He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
