just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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