do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
