If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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