I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
