no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
