If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
