we made out on top of his cat.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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