my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
