Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
