I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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