i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
