She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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