I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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